COVID-19

So I haven't blogged for about 5 years now. I thought this would be a good time to start again since it seems like the world is ending. The last 2 weeks have been a non-stop roll of bad news. 

Nothing like a world wide pandemic to get a person started blogging again huh? Coronavirus hit the Untied States hard several weeks ago, starting with a crew ship and has continued to spread like wild fire throughout the US. We currently have 602 cases in Utah. There are only 20ish cases in Utah County which is good news for us, but it still makes me feel nervous.  Our Governor has issued a "Stay Safe, Stay Home" order for the state of Utah. Our schools are closed, all Temples world wide are closed and Missionaries from all over the world have finished their missions early and have been sent home. There is a shortage of toilet paper, hand sanitizer and even worse....medical supplies for so many hospitals through out the world. It is getting serious and scary. 

Our amazing Prophet, President Russel M. Nelson no doubt saw this coming because he has been giving us amazing instruction and hope over the last couple of years. He has been preparing us for this very experience by asking us to be prepared spiritually, to have gospel centered home learning, reach out to those around us and minister and most importantly not to FEAR.  He has asked us to find ways to #HearHim and while it is hard to do right now with social distancing going on....it actually isn't really that hard because of technology. There are so many ways to reach out to people right now via technology. I trust and believe in our Prophet. I am so grateful to have a living Prophet on the earth that I can still see and listen to whenever I want. 

Our small family has felt deeply blessed during this time. Usually our purse strings are pretty tight but we have been watched over and have what we need for this experience. My kids are feeling some stress but are actually loving being at home where they don't have to worry about their peers. They love online school and are such obedient children I hardly have to do anything to motivate them. Joseph just finished driver's ed and will hopefully be able to get his license when this is over. There have been disappointments with school being moved online of course. Joseph's choir tour was canceled and Olivia's play, Cinderella was also cancelled. And of course, all visits and hangouts with friends are cancelled. 

It has been hard to wrap my brain around all of this. I feel off kilter and am having trouble getting used to not touching people. It's so weird because I don't think of myself as a touchy person, but I am still working at the elementary school and I have to keep being reminded by the lunchroom staff not to touch other people. I didn't realize I did until this all happened. I am so used to the kids hugging me or tapping my arm and now they just drive through the breakfast and lunch line and I get to see them through the car window. I miss the kids deeply. I miss being able to run over to the neighbors house to visit. I will miss not being able to go to Oklahoma for my niece's baptism next week, especially after I finally got brave enough and booked a flight. There is so much to this world wide catastrophe that I'm not even mentioning. It is too overwhelming. 2020 already had a rocky start and when March hit...the crap hit the fan. I have just never liked the month of March anyway. It's so LONG. This has been the longest March I've ever experienced. 

For now I'm going to try to simplify our life. I'm going to try to get closer to God. I'm going to let things go that don't matter. I'm going to listen to our Prophet and local leaders. I'm going to find joy in the small things. I know we are going to get through this because God is on our side. 

The Best Christmas, 1990

I was a freshman at Rick's College and deeply homesick that December of 1990. I had spent Thanksgiving with the Wheatlys and the Chipmans in Utah which was wonderful, but added to my homesickness. I had limited money and had no idea how I was going to get home for Christmas, but I had faith my parents would help me figure it out. 

Luckily my roommate, Debbie Palmer, who was from my stake had her parents coming to pick her up in Rexburg and I was able to ride home with them. They really had to squeeze me into their car that was already packed.  I remember her Dad getting angry when I packed my small bag in the trunk. It was a very long and tense ride home for me, but the closer we got the more excited I felt to

see the loving faces of my family. It had felt like years and years since I had seen my brother and sisters and I was excited to see the changes in them, even though I had only been gone for 4 months.

It was such a wonderful feeling to step into my own home and feel the love and acceptance there. My mom told me that we wouldn't really be getting much for Christmas but I didn't even care. I was just so happy to be with my family and felt like that was the best present I could ever get. 

Because I had been living away for the first time ever, coming home to my wonderful family felt magical. There was a special spirit in our home that Christmas. We had many generous gifts given to our family during that time and I remember being amazed at the generosity of so many people.

What stood out to me the most was the generosity of my sister Erin. She had always been so generous anyway, but what she did for us this year was so wonderful and left a lasting impression on me. Erin had been working as the Crawford's weekend nanny and had been saving her

money for awhile. I can just picture the delight in her mind when she decided that she would give her hard earned money to my parents anonymously for Christmas. While we (the kids) knew about this amazing gift, I didn't realize until Christmas day, when my Dad opened a letter that had

been placed on the tree, just how special this gift really was. It was an emotional and wonderful moment that beautiful Christmas Day with my family.

As I have thought about that Christmas in 1990 I don't remember any of the physical presents I got. I have searched my journals to see if I had written anything down, because I usually did write what about what I received. I did write about it, but my journal entry was very brief and I didn't name the gifts I received this time. What I did say was that we had been blessed beyond measure as a family and that my amazing sister Erin provided not only the monetary needs for Christmas, but she 

provided that beautiful spirit of Christmas that can be so hard to find. It was the best Christmas I've ever had and one I will never forget. 

She's Just Around The Corner

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

~Henry Scott Holland

 

 

 

Have Courage & Be Kind

Recently, my mom took the kids and I to see the new Cinderella movie. My mom thought it would be fun to get all dressed up to go, and so Olivia also dressed up. They both looked so wonderful and dressing up helped make the movie even more magical.

It really is such a charming movie. It is so positive and although at times bad and sad things happen, the overwhelming theme is goodness. I have thought about it's message a lot, especially over the last several weeks.

The last year has been difficult for us. We have gone through some of the biggest challenges we have ever faced as a family and I must admit my faith has been deeply tested. While things always seem to work out with each new situation we face, my faith in people has greatly diminished. I keep wondering, what has happened to kindness? What has happened to people caring about each other?

I know that we get so caught up in our own lives that it is hard to see those around us, but we need each other. We need just a small moment or act of kindness from someone each day. When someone is ill we can rally around them and support them through it. When a job is lost we can offer comfort and support.  When a friend has conflict or a concern that needs talking through we can offer a listening ear, without judgement. All of these things I have really struggled through recently, but instead of feeling buoyed up by people around me, I have felt like I am a bad person for being weak. For having everyday struggles, illness and human frailty.  I have felt judged and misunderstood. I have felt so deeply alone. 

I read a great article in The Ensign recently called It Isn't A Sin To Be Weak. 

I love this sentence: "It is crucial to understand that while sin inevitably leads us away from God, weakness, ironically, can lead us toward Him."
All of these things my family is experiencing can lead me/us toward him. I just find it so sad that along the way I have felt so alone in the journey. Kindness has been discarded and forgotten.


I am trying to find my way to Heavenly Father. I want to be with him. In order for me to get there I need to be here on the earth serving and loving those around me. I want to have courage and be kind. I hope that these experiences will lead me to look at others deeply. To help them through the hard times and through what we all experience, human weakness.

STOP GROWING RIGHT NOW

Jenks Family 2014 (Olivia cracks me up in this picture.)

How did my kids go from this:

To this?

I miss my sweet little babies. I love them at this age too, but they were little for such a short period of time. I hope I loved and squeezed and played with them enough. I hope I taught them what they need to know as they get older. I hope that they will know that no matter what, I love them. Motherhood is so hard, but it is such a wonderful privilege to have these children. I am so blessed to be a mother.

Horse Girl

 Olivia has been riding horses since she was 5 years old. Her lessons have been irregular lately, but it is pretty amazing to watch her on a horse. She has even been thrown off and ended up in the emergency with a concussion, but got right back on the horse and has never looked back! I am so proud of her!

I love Olivia's teacher, Cassie. She is such a sweet and patient teacher.

Riding side saddle.

Painting

I really love to paint. I love to change a room and make it my own. Here are some projects in our house I have been working on. I still have a long way to go, but I am finally making progress!

PROJECTS

We have lived in our house for 2 years now. Even though the dull tan paint, dirty base boards and terrible light fixtures have really bugged me,  I haven't started to change things until recently. 

 My friend that has a beautiful house suggested I start one room at a time. The kids/guest bathroom

has always really bugged me, so I am in the process of a complete makeover. I will post more pictures when it is finished, but for now this is what it looks like!

Before

New paint, light fixture, shower curtain, towels and rug have already made a huge difference!

Lucky for me, the nice wood boards were already there, so I am adding white paint to brighten up the room a little more.

The office is where Neal does all of his freelance work. I told him he could pick the paint for the room and he choose "Caterpillar." This is the final result. He wanted something really bright and fun and he certainly got it! 
I will be painting the desk white eventually and then hang movie posters up for Neal around the room. We 
call the office the "green screen" room now. I don't think he will have any trouble being creative in this room anymore!

Come What May And Love It

These two little people have just about killed me lately. I thought they were hard when they were toddlers, but the last 3 months have been, or at least seemed, so much harder than those years.

The school year started off great. I hated sending them back to school like I always do. I spent a few weeks just folding laundry and watching movies until I could adjust to being home alone all day. Then I got used to it and started loving my freedom and found projects to work on. And suddenly, one day in October I got a call from Joseph. He had a terrible stomach ache. I checked him out of school and we ended up at the hospital getting him tested for appendicitis. Turns out he just had a 12 hour bug. He got over it and was back to school the next day. 

All was well for a week. Then the next Wednesday, I got a call from the gym teacher at school. "You'd better get down here quick. I think Joseph might have broken his foot." So I rushed down to the school to find Joseph on the floor of the gym, surrounded by concerned classmates trying to help. He had done something awful to his foot and couldn't even stand on it. His friends made a stretcher  out of gym mats and rolled him down the halls of the school out the door to the car.

Another trip to the doctor for ex rays. Luckily he didn't break his foot but tore several tendons, which they informed me can be more painful than a break. He sat on the couch for days, but could eventually walk\limp on it. He eventually just learned to deal with the pain and after a few weeks it didn't bug him too much anymore. Sadly, this happened 2 weeks before Halloween and he couldn't walk around very long to trick or treat because of the pain. He was seriously bummed. And to make matters worse, the week before Halloween he suddenly got the worst case of hives he's ever had. Like every where on his body. He has had them many times before, but never this long and never covering his entire body. Back to the doctor we went.

They couldn't do much for him, which I should have known. Unless he was struggling to breath, we had to dope him up with Benedryl and Zyrtec to help with the itching and awkwardness of the hives. For one week I would get up at night to check on him, make sure he was breathing okay and give him more medicine. And then, as quickly as they came, they just disappeared. Just like that.

Halloween came and I felt like finally our lives were going back to normal.

We had one week of health and happiness. No worries, no serious trials. Oh, except Neal was turning 40. He was super freaked out about that but we decided to have an 80's bash to help him forget. It was totally a blast and the kids loved it. Lots of good food and great friends came to support Neal in his old age.

I seriously thought life could not get any better. I was starting to plan for Christmas, was enjoying my free time, volunteering at school and started getting into genealogy.

And then suddenly our world turned upside down. On Saturday, November 9th we took the kids out to dinner to celebrate their good grades. We went to PizzaPieCafe and let them eat until they were sick. When we got home we all got in our pj's and crawled into our bed to watch TV. Without warning, Olivia suddenly got an excruciating headache. Like so bad she couldn't handle noise, light, or being touched. She was so miserable and I couldn't do anything to help her. Over the course of that weekend we tried baths, medicine, oils, massage and anything else I could think of to help her. She just constantly had a headache and nothing helped. We went to the doctor, and he said he was very concerned and saw a lot of red flags as she was describing the pain. Yeah, that didn't help her already freaked out mother. I had been sleeping in her room with her or really instead of sleeping I would spend hours trying to comfort and help her.  We went to another doctor and he said she probably has a sinus infection and gave us meds to try. They did not help at all.

My sweet girl went from being a very happy, energetic, playful girl to a very sick little girl. I would often hear her in her room praying, asking Heavenly Father what had happened to her and why all of her joy was taken away. She told me many times that first month that she wasn't the same girl anymore. She said she had been erased like a picture on a chalk board and a new girl had taken her place. She said the new girl was sad, sick and upset all the time. It broke my heart.

We were in and out of the doctor several times each week for the first little while. We went to the chiropractor,  eye doctor,  family doctor and our pediatrician's office several times. I can't even tell you how many doctors we saw during that time. We finally got to see our regular pediatrician (who saved Olivia's life when she was born, but that's another story) When he started checking her I started bawling. There was just something different about what he was doing that helped me feel better. He was very thorough. He determined from what he was seeing that she was healthy, but wanted to do am MRI to see if we could see any serious problems. We took her to Primary Children's a week later for her test. We were so scared, but hopeful.

Livy was so brave and didn't have any problems. The hospital staff was wonderful and so helpful. We were told it might take a few days to get results, but as Olivia was coming out of sedation a sweet little man appeared at my side and told me he was a pediatric neurologist. He just happened to be there and looked at her MRI. He said "Her brain is perfect. She doesn't have any tumors or any other issues that we are concerned about. She is going to be just fine." He was a tender mercy and an answer to prayer for me. Although it wasn't exactly a direct answer as to why she is having headaches, he gave me the answer we most feared. She didn't have a brain tumor.

We left the hospital feeling relieved and again hopeful that we could get some resolution. Since the MRI, we have been working with our pediatrician a lot. He started Liv on a medication to help with what he has diagnosed as chronic migraines. It took about 4 weeks for us to actually see results from the medication, but it has finally started to help. It has it's own terrible side affects though. It makes her hungry all of the time and because it is an antihistamine, it makes her so sleepy. She is constantly asking for food and feels sick when she doesn't eat.

The headaches are getting better, but she still has them frequently. The weekends, especially Sunday, are the worst. I haven't been to a full 3 hours of church in months. Livy has missed a lot of school too. School is so hard for her because of the noise. How do you tell a 7 year old to just deal with it? I have had to many times,  as instructed by our pediatrician and it is hard. She has to go on with life and not let her headaches change things for her. Something like this can be so debilitating. She just doesn't understand why she has to deal with this and why she is having this trial. I don't know either and I wish I had an answer for her. We have talked a lot about her strength, her compassion, her love for others and how she loves to sing. She has been singing a lot about this trial. I love the days she feels well and feel so grateful for those moments.

While this is far from over and now several others trials have been added on top of it, I am determined to rise to the top and learn from it. I will Come What May And Love It!  (find this talk @ lds.org)

I still wish I knew what to do. I wish Heavenly Father would just tell me plainly "if you do this, Olivia will be healed." Wouldn't that be so nice? But I know that won't happen. However,  I do know that if I keep calling on him he will help. He will give Olivia the strength she needs to deal with this. He will strengthen our family and as we are faithful and give ourselves to Him, we will be blessed.

Nobody Has It All Together

Yeah, this is my family every Sunday. Why do we always think everyone else is totally put together and perfect?

What Do You Really Want?

On my recent journey to optimal health, I have had to ask myself that question a lot. It was hard at first, but now I find myself pausing and asking myself that question all the time.

We get so used to one way of eating that it just becomes a habit. Many times we don't even realize what we have eaten and how much. We eat to fill our stomachs, but how many times during the day are we eating as a distraction? As a way of overcoming fear, or feeling sad? Or just because we are bored?


If you are seeking a change in your life, first of all, you really have to be ready. Then when you are ready, start by asking yourself "What do I really want?"

When I started asking myself that question, these are the answers that came:

*I want to be around a long time for my husband and children.

*I want a healthy body so I can play with my children.

*I want to create good habits for myself and share what I've learned with my family.

* I want to look good for my husband. (actually I want to look like a sex goddess for my husband!)

*I want to be healthy so that I can serve my family and help other people. 


It's time to ask yourself!

( If you have questions about the program I have been doing, please let me know. I am not selling anything and would love to help anyone that is looking for optimal health.)

The Power Of Food

I eat used to eat a lot of sugar, like Buddy the Elf.

On my journey to health over the last 6 months I have learned a lot about food.

I have learned that I am a food addict.

I associate food with happiness, use it as a reward for myself and children and I think about it a lot.
 
  Here is what WebMD say's about food addiction:

"The idea that a person can be addicted to food has recently gotten more support from science.
Experiments in animals and humans show that, for some people, the same reward and pleasure centers of the brain that are triggered by addictive drugs like cocaine and heroin are also activated by food, especially highly palatable foods. Highly palatable foods are foods rich in:

Sugar
Fat
Salt

Like addictive drugs, highly palatable foods trigger feel-good brain chemicals such as dopamine. Once people experience pleasure associated with increased dopamine transmission in the brain's reward pathway from eating certain foods, they quickly feel the need to eat again.

The reward signals from highly palatable foods may override other signals of fullness and satisfaction. As a result, people keep eating, even when they're not hungry.

People who show signs of food addiction may also develop a tolerance to food. They eat more and more, only to find that food satisfies them less and less. 

Scientists believe that food addiction may play an important role in obesity. But normal-weight people may also struggle with food addiction. Their bodies may simply be genetically programmed to better handle the extra calories they take in. Or they may increase their physical activity to compensate for overeating.

People who are addicted to food will continue to eat despite negative consequences, such as weight gain or damaged relationships. And like people who are addicted to drugs or gambling, people who are addicted to food will have trouble stopping their behavior, even if they want to or have tried many times to cut back."

Isn't that scary?

Food is powerful. 

We are surrounded by food convenience. 

It is accessible at anytime, at any moment we want it.

As I have been learning to eat healthy foods, I realized I have been poisoning my body with all of the fast, convenient food out there. Even what I thought was healthy before didn't come close to the pure, good food I have been eating lately. 

On days that I am really struggling I will say out loud or too myself "I am stronger than food."

It's so true. I am stronger than food! I won't allow it to consume me anymore. To solve my problems or take away pain. I will use it to fuel my body and give me the energy I need. 

That doesn't mean I won't ever eat my favorite foods again....like Bajio or Cafe Rio Salads. Or doughnuts. Or Oreo's. I could just keep going and going because I have lot's of favorites. 

I will just eat them in moderation. I will think before I eat. I will make a plan before I eat out. I will show God that I appreciate and love this body!

Staying Focused

I have felt like quitting today. I just want to be thin/healthy and have it all over with already. But I know it is going to take a lot more work to change my habits and get this body in shape. 

I am getting there. 

I am doing it, I just need to keep going. 

It is so worth it. 

I know I am worth it. 

My Weight Loss Journey

I have been working on my health for the last 6 months. It has been a long hard road, especially the last month.

So, in order to motivate myself and get my head to stay focused on the last 10 pounds, I am going to start posting my progress on my blog.

I have to do something on a public forum (for all 2 readers of my blog!) that will get me to the end.

I started a program called Take Shape For Life January 2, 2013.

I have lost 47 pounds since then. 47 POUNDS! 

I never thought in a million years I could lose any weight and here I am, lighter than when I got married. It is all very exciting!

 I am really going out on a limb here and I'm going to post a before picture. Scariest thing ever, but here it is:

Here is my after picture:

It took me a long time to see a difference in myself physically, but when I started the program I noticed other changes in myself almost immediately. I felt stronger, my joints didn't ache, I stopped snoring, I could bend over and not get winded, I could scratch my own back and a million other little things that had affected me for years.

I want the way I am eating now to last a life time. I will eventually go into transition and then maintenance, but I will be eating differently for the rest of my life.

I have had a few very hard to get rid of temptations along the way. My two vices have been chocolate chips and almonds....or really any kind of nut. I crave those more than anything and I usually give into them. I need to eliminate those two demons so that I can stay on track and finish what I started.

I can do it!

I want to be healthy and active for the rest of my life. I want to be around a long time for my husband and kids. I am stronger than FOOD! I CAN DO THIS!

"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost."

Helen Keller

Joseph's First Animation

This is Neal.

May I present, in Joseph's world-wide debut, his first animation. It's entitled, "Devour astronaut." Some art forms transcend words.

Another Year

It's hard to believe it has been 5 years since Erin passed away. I still have moments when it doesn't feel real, and moments of extreme emotion. I still think about her everyday and talk to her often. She is still my best friend, maybe even more than ever before. I miss you and love you so much Erin! NLYSYITM

Keri's Wedding

I had the privilege of watching my sister get married a month ago. It was a day I had always dreamed about for her. I first heard about a guy named Chris last summer. I was always skeptical because they met online and she lived in Utah, he lived in California. But guess what? They fell in love and now she's married! I am so thrilled for both of them! Their wedding was beautiful and so much fun. My family got to be together in the Temple for the first time in a long time and it was such a wonderful experience for all of us. Congratulations Chris and Keri! I love you both!

Chris and Keri got married in San Diego on March 5, 2013

My favorite picture!

Love this one too

The San Diego Temple is now one of my favorites

She looks so happy!

Coming out of the Temple as a newly married couple!

Aren't they so cute?

The Mayer side of the family

Goofy family picture!

Sweet sisters. I am sure Erin was there too.