O Holy Night - An Irreverent Post

I'm sorry. I just have to post this video. This song is one of my favorites, but this version of it had me laughing, crying and almost peeing my pants. Enjoy it and have a Merry Christmas!

Men's Hearts Shall Fail Them

I needed to hear this message as I struggle with some things. It is beautiful.

Mama Baer

My Mom called last night to let me know that a dear friend had died yesterday in a head on car collision. Jane Baer was not only an amazing woman, but she helped mold my testimony when I was a teenager. She was my teacher and friend and I know she loved me. I went to her house when I got my mission call, and I went straight to her house as soon as I got home from my mission. I spent a lot of time in her home and I always admired the teal wall in her front sitting room. I wanted one just like it when I was a young and now I have one!

Jane radiated goodness and Christ-like love. I remember sitting in class at church and feeling love radiate from her as she taught the lesson. She was so good that one time when she was driving to girls camp she left her blinker on the entire drive there, which drove me insane. But I didn't point it out to her because I didn't want to nag her. She made me want to be a better person. When I was shy and feeling like an outcast, she took me aside and made me feel important.

Jane was currently serving as the Temple Matron along with her husband, Mark Baer as President of the Denver Temple. Each time I would go home and attend the Temple I would see her and as always she would hug me, look in my eyes and ask about my life. Jane really was an angel on earth. I love her so much and I'm so thankful for her grace, her Christlike love and for raising such an amazing family that has been an important part of my life.

Dream On

I had a dream about my sister last night. It was so powerful and so real that this morning I felt like I had really been with her. It took me a while to realize it wasn't real. It was so sad to me that I just wanted to go back to bed and find my way back to that dream.
I so miss my sister this time of year. Starting in September, when the air gets a little cooler, I really start missing her. She could light up a room with her smile and her excitement for the Holidays coming. I wish she was in the kitchen with me baking up a storm and throwing a little bit of love into each dish. Time has helped ease the pain of her passing, but it really never goes away. Oh, how I love that dear girl.

Good Night, Love You, See You In The Morning Erin.

Not Rising, Just Shouting

Neal here. I had to wait a couple of weeks after BYU's despicable loss to the Utes to make sure my feelings were legitimate and not just the rantings of a rabid Cougar fan. Now that I've had time to calm down, I went back and looked at a posting I made on my family website about the game. And what do you know: Those feelings are legit. Here's the post:

(Commenting on my brother's desire to continue "Rising and Shouting" for the Cougs) I ain't risin', but I certainly will do a lot of shouting.

My assessment differs from Joel's slightly. Here's my post-game assessment on Facebook.

Ahem.

"I've never been more embarrassed to be a Cougar fan. What a bunch of spineless, gutless, worthless, amorphous piles of steaming, wreaking, monkey poo! Where's your pride Cougs? Where's your heart? When o when will you finally show up to play? Consider this my resignation for Cougar fan-dom for the rest of the season."

Call me a fair-weather fan. Call me whatever you want. But I'm making good on my threat. I will only watch ONE more game this year, and that's only because I promised to take Joseph to a game (Those promises from father to son are so darn binding. Grrr!).

I'm madder than a hippo with a hernia. Don't the Cougs realize how big this fetchin' game is??? Don't they realize how much heat us Utah Blue Bloods take from those fetchin' red-bloods when the Cougs get it handed to 'em like this? How could they fail to show up when the pride, the hope, and the fondest wishes of Cougar Nation rest squarely on their shoulders? To lose is perfectly acceptable. To go down fighting is noble. To completely give up and let the scum of the football universe walk all over them is ten shades of pathetic.

That was the Cougar's worst loss to Utes since 1922! That's almost 90 years peeps! If we legitimately sucked, something like that would be forgivable. But to suffer a HISTORIC loss when we have so much ability and so much opportunity is absolutely outrageous.

A friend in our Ward works for BYU as a corporate sponsor coordinator. As such, he is often on the practice field, in the work out room, and on the field during games. Would you like to hear HIS assessment? "They needed to be humbled," he said. In his particularly astute opinion, it's PRIDE that brought them down. He said that Jake Heaps is full of himself. He's a five-star recruit who knows it, and he's not the only one. In my humble and mad-as-h-e-double-ho­ckey-sticks opinion, it wasn't turnovers that brought them down. It was the air being let out as their big heads were popped and quickly deflated.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm no closer to sharing my allegiance with the Utes than I am to giving up on Quaker Honey Graham Oh's (ooo baby. That's one fine cereal). Their victory has only solidified my hatred. I wish them nothing but the worst in their PAC 12 schedule. That being said, BYU's performance does deserve a good and proper shunning. And I shall give it to them. My refusal to participate in all but one of their games for the rest of the season is the best form of protest I can muster.

Which home game do you think I should pick to attend? Think the Cougs can keep their heads inflated long enough to handle IDAHO STATE?

I wonder what else is on TV this Saturday.

Speak Kind Words, Hear Kind.....Choes?

A couple of years ago, my sister Keri and I were out shopping. We stopped at Tai Pan Trading and were just browsing the store when we came across a sign that said "Speak Kind Words, Hear Kind Choes." We could not figure out what in the world it meant. What is a choe?
Finally, a woman who had been watching us pointed out another sign with the same saying, except the last word said "Echoes." Oh. Duh. We laughed our heads off! The sign we picked up was missing that important letter for that important final word.

I have been thinking about that saying/experience a lot because I have been feeling sad about some friend issues for a few days. Sometimes we can speak kind words and do all we can to be a good friend to others, but it doesn't always mean it's going to come back to us in the same way. I was talking to my sisters about this when I realized that while I am always going to strive to be a good friend to others, my best friends are already built in. My sisters are my best friends. Even my sister Erin who passed away 3 years ago is still my best friend. I feel that she is still an active part of my life.
Sometimes I think we all struggle with feeling important or feeling fulfilled by those around us. I realized yesterday and this morning as I talked to my sisters several times that I have what I need. I have 3 wonderful sisters who love and support me, even when I'm retarded or annoying to them. They will never leave me or give up on me.
I am grateful for friends that come and go and all they've taught me. Despite the hardship that comes with friends at times, I still hope I will always be the kind of girl that "Speaks Kind Words and Hears Kind Choes."

9/11: 10 Years Later

Neal wrote this post to his family a few days ago and it was so poignant to me I had to share:


"I revisited the feelings I had ten years ago about 9/11. Mercifully, we had Stake Conference yesterday, so I had the chance to think about something NOT involving Church responsibilities. I watched a lot of 9/11 TV specials and attended a neighborhood observance. The observance was quite poignant. We were outside on the Evergreen Court basketball court as an unseasonal chill descended and light rain fell. Tim Goodman, an LDS recording artist, sang some terrific patriotic tunes while several Old Glories flapped in the wind, posted on the lawn adjacent. I was suddenly struck, as we all huddled together under blankets determined to observe Patriot Day regardless of the weather, how similar our little gathering was to our nation as a whole ten years ago. We all faced an unexpected storm, but our determination to draw close won the day.

I was also painfully reminded throughout the day how little my feelings have healed since then. There's still this raw, sensitive hole close to my heart, and I'm still deeply moved by the mere ghost of my memories.

Ten years ago, I was a newlywed of only a few months. My life between marriage and 9/11 was a blur of quixotic happiness. Shannon and I had time to burn with each other, plenty of money, I had a great new job that I loved, and we both had unfettered optimism about our lives. Then, that morning, I awoke before Shannon, got ready for work, and flipped on the news as I ate breakfast. Like many of you, I was shocked but not overly-alarmed by what I saw. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. "I'm sure it was an accident," I said to myself. "Certainly some people have died, but the building is still standing. It could have been a lot worse." Still, I was concerned enough that I called Shannon's attention to the TV screen. It was about five minutes later that the second plane struck the other tower. At that moment, our lives turned upside down. The world where bad men only occasionally got away with REALLY heinous acts was gone. We were under attack. And that wasn't the only manifestation of my upside-down world.

I arrived at work about 40 minutes late that day, only to be excused from work about two hours later. "Go home," my boss said. "Go be with your families. My heart isn't here today, and I'm sure yours isn't either."

Ten days later, as a direct result of 9/11 and the subsequent economic downturn, my boss excused me from work permanently.

It took me years to get my career back on track. I had to turn my back on the career of my dreams (computer animation) to something I enjoyed but not nearly as much. It was three years and five jobs later when I finally managed to make the kind of money I made before 9/11. During that time, I struggled and scavenged, I wrestled with anger and fear in equally unprecedented degrees, and I felt lonely and lost. I have since regained my hope for the future, thanks to a loving God who cares deeply about me and is involved in the details of my life. But for years, I just couldn't make ends meet, couldn't see a future that included any measure of personal success, and couldn't find my old sense of swagger.

All of that was a direct result of Osama Bin Laden and the soulless bastards who follow him.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, here, but we can't forget. To be more specific, we can't forget to act. We cannot, as a nation, cease our resolve to chase terrorists to the ends of the earth, regardless of the sacrifice. We cannot for a second lose our love of country, even though our current President's policies have horribly weakened it. We cannot slide in our personal and emergency preparedness. Most of all, we can't stop seeking to be the very best citizens we can be.

God bless America. God help our beloved Union to never forget."

Vent

I know I shouldn't vent publicly, but I figured no one reads this blog anyway, so why not?

I joined the PTA last May and I regret to say that I did not research the position before accepting it. One mother told me they needed a PTA President-Elect. That sounded harmless enough to me and they were desperate, so I told them I would do it. Neal has not stopped making fun of me since. Why did I not look into what I was getting myself into? I really am going to do my best and feel grateful to be with my kids so much at school, but if I could I would stay in my home/cave and never have people look at me or look to me to be in charge. Instead I am going to be front and center (especially next year) and I don't want to do it!

I was supposed to start my "Sex Goddess Diet" on September 1st. I am turning 40 next May and I really want to look my best before I plummet into middle age. But the problem is, I have no desire. I want it to happen instantly and I don't want to make the effort! So, instead of working really hard and changing my habits, I have done nothing to change and am eating worse then ever. Blah.

I have read a certain blog for several years that I really looked to for help and parenting advice. She helped me be a better parent and taught me to love being a mother. But recently her blog has become to much for me. I guess if it bothers me so much I should stop reading it.
The truth is, I am probably jealous. I know that she has gone through tremendous struggles in the last several years, but I wish she would realize that the general audience that she is speaking to, does not live the ideal lifestyle that she does.  I don't mean to offend anyone that knows her, and I especially don't want to offend her. She has helped me in ways that she will never know. I even met her once at Costco. Well....I went up to her and hugged her. I felt that she needed to know how much she had helped me.
I know that most bloggers write about the good things in their lives. We don't see all of the struggles, the pain and the stress that goes on behind the scenes. So why am I struggling with her? I realize her life isn't as perfect as it seems. Can anyone else explain this to me and do they feel the same way? Does my frustration even make sense?

Anyway, I could keep venting but I should just stop now. I don't want anyone to feel bad about what I am saying, they are just things I am thinking about and want to figure out in my own life.

Growing Up Too Fast

Joseph just turned 8. He was so lucky to have cousins come from Texas and Kansas on his birthday and a few days after. I just wish these kids would stay little. They are all so darling and I love them little! It is hard to realize that I now have a pre-teen in the house. Just since turning 8, Joseph already seems so much more mature to me. He is acting more independent and venturing out on his own. I am excited for him, yet at the same time longing for that time when he was little and loved to play with me all the time. Childhood goes so quickly!

Stories From My Youth: Buddah Belly

This story is really stupid, but one that always makes me laugh really hard when I think about it. I grew up in Colorado and lived around several small lakes called the Marston Lakes. I loved going to the lake with my family. We would often walk there in the evening and just hang out on the dock and watch the sunset.

One particular evening I walked to one of the lakes with two of my sisters. I don't really remember what we were doing and the only thing that sticks in my mind is what I did and the complete idiot I was about to make of myself in public.

My sister Keri and I shared a room for awhile and somehow we got started on something we called "buddah belly." We would lift up our shirts and rub our belly's against each other. Yah, weird right? We thought it was hilarious every single time we did it.

Well, out there on the dock Keri dared me to do buddah belly. I was quite shy and did not do crazy things like lift my shirt up in public....usually. But something struck me that night and I thought "what the heck, no one will even see me." So I did it. I lifted up my shirt, pulled my pants down to my hips and said our usual...."oh buddah." Keri started laughing her head off and then for some reason I turned around, with my entire mid section exposed....to see my Bishop standing there! Two feet away from me!

I froze. I didn't pull up my pants right away because I was mesmerized and mortified by the smirk on the Bishop's face. He never said a word. He just stood there and grinned at me. I slowly pulled up my pants and ran past him. I couldn't look at him for weeks. He never mentioned it and I didn't dare say anything. I always wondered what he was thinking in that moment.

See, totally stupid story, but one that conjures a lot of giggling from me. Oh, and this is the same Bishop that let us going skinny dipping on a trip to Lake Powell. I really do have fond memories and love the experiences I had as a youth! Even the really embarrassing ones!


P.S. I did not have a buddah belly at the time this incident occurred. That happened many years later, after I had kids. It's my curse for making fun of buddah bellies!!

Losing Erin

Today it has been 3 years since Erin died. At times it seems like it just happened moments ago, and at other times it seems like an eternity since I have seen her. I miss her. I think about her all the time. I finally wrote about her a few months ago on a beautiful blog called A Good Grief. I felt strongly I needed to write it and although not all of my family agrees with my version of her story, it is my perspective of what happened to her. So I dedicate this post to her. My dear sweet sister Erin, I love you with all of my heart. NLYSYITM



My sister Erin died on Memorial Day, May 26, 2008. She was 33 years old. She died of congestive heart failure due to intoxication of medication. At the time of her death she was not abusing any type of medication, but the combination of some of her meds did cause her death. She always told me that she felt her story needed to be told. She felt she was having this experience so that others could learn from her mistakes. She taught me so much about endurance, love, compassion and never giving up.

Erin was an amazing person. She was always serving. At home growing up, Erin wouldn't talk a lot, but she was always there serving us. When I got off my mission in 1994, Erin was my roommate at Ricks College. We did everything together. She became my new companion and it was hard to be away from her. When we moved to Utah we lived together for several more years. She was my best friend. She was always kind and loving to me. We had so many wonderful experiences together. Sometimes it is hard for me to drive around town now. I have memories of her everywhere. I see them before me and I feel this deep pain and ache for my sister.

Erin had health problems for most of her life, but she hardly ever complained. Most people would never know how much she suffered at times, including me. She had severe allergies that kept her from eating, chronic kidney stones and chronic bronchitis, just to name a few symptoms. After Erin moved to Ogden to go to Weber State, I didn't see her as often. She was always so busy. I really did not realize how sick she was until one time she called and asked me to be with her while she was waiting for a kidney stone to pass. I cried all night with her. I could do nothing but cry and watch her suffer. I found out that night that she had suffered many times like that before, but on her own.

I think it was around that time, in 1999 that she might have started self medicating herself. She was a nursing student at Weber State and almost worked herself to death. Erin had a learning disability that made it hard for her to talk. She could think of things to say but couldn't always express those thoughts with words. Despite having the learning disability, she passed all of her classes. She endured a lot of harsh criticism from one of her teachers because of her disability. Her teacher even implied to some of the other students that Erin was "stupid." Erin fought hard against that teacher and brought more awareness to the school about learning disabilities. She endured that trial with amazing grace, but inside I really think it killed her. She started to change shortly after she graduated. She moved back to Orem to live with me and I could sense that something about her was different.

After I got married in 2001, Erin moved to Salt Lake. She seemed so lost, but as always she worked hard and remained positive. She had roommates that were so mean to her. They would say mean things to her and steal her medication. She had throat surgery for some issues she had with hyperparathyroidism. They removed one parathyroid but her PTH was never normal. She had a painful recovery and needed pain meds, but one of her roommates broke into her room and stole the medication she needed. Erin eventually moved in with our older sister and got a great job at a hospital working with newborns.

I started to notice some significant changes in Erin. She didn't seem very happy and complained a lot. It was getting harder and harder to please her or find something to make her happy. She got irritated easily and her health problems really started to increase. She started to tell me about different medicines she had tried and I remember being concerned, but honestly didn't give it much thought. She often complained about our sister, who was nothing but generous and kind. After watching her struggle through several more health problems and financial issues, I suggested that she move home. I really thought she would go home and get better. Sometimes I feel that I sent her to her death. I regret that I ever gave her that advice.

After the encouragement of several family members, Erin did move home December 2004. She got a great job at a hospital in Denver, she was living rent free with my
parents and seemed to have things under control that first year. But then some things slowly started to unfold. She got in trouble at work and was accused of stealing medication. I believed everything Erin told me, so when she started telling me people were accusing her of things that weren't true, I always believed her. She started saying things about my parents that just didn't seem right. I would often say to her "that doesn't sound like something mom or dad would say," but I would believe her. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my parents and why they were treating Erin like a child. I did not realize that Erin was on medication. She kept saying she missed Utah so we planned for her to come out and stay at my house for a week. My mom warned me that she was different. I didn't know what to expect. I opened the door and was shocked at her appearance. She was not the same beautiful girl she had once been. Her speech was slurred, she had gained a lot of weight and she seemed like she could fall asleep at any minute. I felt nervous to have her around my 1 year old son, but didn't really know why. It just seemed so wrong. This was not the girl that I trusted and loved. That week was a challenge and an eye opener to me. I watched her sneak medication when she thought I wouldn't notice, I watched her fall asleep at weird times and heard her say a lot of really odd things. I finally started to clue in on the day she was supposed to go home. Before we left my house she told me she was afraid to go home because she had stolen money from our dad. She locked herself in the closet and wouldn't come out. She had a phone with her and she tried to get the airline to change her flight. She would not come out for anything and I finally
realized something really bad was happening. She did end up going home that day, but she was never the same person again.

To say the next 2 years were terrible is putting it mildly. Our family lived in constant fear that Erin would die. She became sneaky, dishonest, sloppy, angry and defensive. She lied, stole, ruined my parents property and figured out how to get medication on the internet. I couldn't tell you what she took now, but she took a lot of it. She had meds delivered to a Fed Ex store so my parents wouldn't know. She did a lot of things that I don't even know about. Things my parents have never told us because it was just too hard and painful to explain. My siblings that lived in Colorado close to Erin had to ban her from seeing their children. They didn't trust her. She got 2 DUI's, lost her license, totaled her car and couldn't keep a job. At one point my brother and sister confronted her and asked if she was suicidal. They wanted her to know they were aware of her struggles and they were there to help her. We didn't realize even then how much lower she would have to go.

Erin eventually ended up going to a place called Santa Fe house. My parents were ready to let her live on the streets and this was the alternative. It was a drug rehabilitation center. At this point in her life she really was trying to get better, but it turned out to be a disaster. They treated her terribly and she eventually left the program and moved back in with my parents. While she was in rehab, my second child was born. It was so hard not to have Erin there. I wanted her there, but felt grateful she couldn't come. It had started to become easier to ignore Erin. I wouldn't answer her calls because it was just so hard to talk to her. I didn't want to hear all the garbage and I just didn't have the energy to deal with the constant issues. I still did not even realize until after Erin died how terrible things really were. My parents endured some awful things during that 4 years. If only I could turn back time, I would have believed my parents and given them more support.

One good thing about rehab for Erin was that she finally decided she was going to make important changes in her life. She worked regularly with her Bishop and he suggested she go to the LDS churches 12 step program. She tried with all her heart to overcome her addictions. I learned that a lot of times with addictions, you can pick up other issues along the way. Erin continued to have severe health problems and developed severe anxiety. She had so many fears, but she tried to overcome them. She would go to the library and check out self help books. She would often make a small change, but then a health issue or sometimes a mental issue due to meds would cause a huge setback. I could see she was making some progress and felt hopeful, only to watch her fall again. It was so painful and upsetting to watch. When she came to visit me I had to hide all medication and give her strict rules. She did seem to be a little better when she would come to Utah to visit. She felt at home here and she loved being with my kids. She was working so hard to come back. She wanted to start over and be that amazing, hard working, talented and beautiful girl again. Each time she would fall, she would come back a little stronger. I have never seen anyone work as hard as Erin did to get better and to come back to who she really was.

I remember in January of 2008 Erin called to tell me that she had lost 10 pounds. She had been working out and eating better. She told me this was her year. She felt impressed that things were going to change and she was so anxious to get going. I felt so excited for her. I was so proud of her and finally starting to feel that it was possible for her to change. Just as she started to get on that good path and establish good habits, she had another setback. She was walking outside after a snow storm and slipped on the ice. It caused her a lot of pain and she couldn't do much. She also got strep throat and bronchitus around the same time. I remember feeling so frustrated for her and asking Heavenly Father to just give her a break. She had been trying so hard! Why did these things always happen to her?

She continued to work hard for the next several months to come back. She always had setbacks, but she was making progress. Erin and my mom decided to come to Utah in May to attend a family wedding. I felt very nervous for Erin to come. I didn't know what to expect. But it was a wonderful visit. It was so nice to be with her. And I felt impressed not to make rules for her. There were also a couple of things that she did while she was staying at my house that bugged me. I almost said something to her, but felt prompted not to say anything at all. I am so grateful I didn't. When she was leaving, I remember thinking that our time together was just too short. I told her I wished she could have stayed longer. It was hard to see her go.

I was shopping with my sister's at Old Navy when we found out Erin had passed away. She had been very sick for 4 days with another case of bronchitus. I had called to talk to her but my mom said she was too sick. My parents were both with her when she died. She was walking down the hall with my mom and fell down on her knees and then fell flat on her face. She never caught herself so we believe that she died before she hit the ground. It was a tender mercy to us to have her die quickly. My mom dialed 911 while my dad tried to turn her over, but he could never move her. The paramedics tried to revive her for over an hour, but they could never even get any oxygen inside her body. My parents called us and the first thought I had was she is finally free of that sick body. Her body was like a prison to her. It all seemed to make sense to me at that moment. Erin had tried for so many years to do it on her own. She suffered through pain and sickness, disappointments, huge setbacks and trials. I know all of us go through those things, we all have trials, we all have hard things happen. It just seemed to me that Erin never, ever got a break. And after all those years of struggle, she took things into her own hands and started to medicate herself. My sister became a drug addict and she died because of the effects of medication.

When Erin died, I had to absorb myself in everything that was hers. And I had to see her. We went to the funeral home and I had to hold her hands and stroke her face. I smelled her hair and looked at her beautiful face. As weird as it sounds, I discovered that even though she had been embalmed, her earlobes were still soft. I would stroke them over and over. I had to put on her make-up for the day of the funeral. I had to help pick out her temple dress. I had to speak at the funeral. I had to go through her room and decide what to do with her things. I had to design and pick out her gravestone. And I had so much guilt. Why didn't I save her? Why didn't I take her away from the struggles she had? Why did she struggle with addiction when she was so strong? Why was I ever unkind to her? Why didn't I do more for her? Why didn't I listen to the promptings I had to serve her more? What was going to happen to her? What was she accountable for? So many questions still flood my mind. Sometimes I shut them out because they are so painful.

I miss Erin deeply. It feels like I lost her years ago, not just on the day she died. As her world became absorbed with medication and other influences, I lost her. I have read every journal, gone through every picture and every item in her room to try and find her again. I wake up thinking about her and not a day goes by that I don't want her with me. I miss her laugh, her dancing, her cooking and her hugs. She taught me so many wonderful things. Despite her addiction, she had a deep love and testimony of Jesus Christ that never wavered. Erin wanted others to know, so when they ask what happened to her, I tell them. I want to share her story so that maybe it will help someone else. It is painful to live without her but in her lifetime she taught me so much. I know I will continue to learn from her for the rest of my life.

All-Time Favorite Internet Video Clips

Neal here.

Several months ago, I decided to start keeping track of the video clips that I haunt most frequently online. What followed was a startling peek into my psyche. If you're brave enough to take a peek with me, here is the list that I have thus far. No doubt you're going to say, "What the heck is he thinking???" more than once, so I've also provided a small justification next to each. But please don't assume that my rationale will offer you any comfort.

Shall we take a look?

OK Go - This Too Shall Pass
...Because a Rube Goldberg machine is meh, but a Rube Goldberg machine set to a great tune is pure magic.

OK Go - White Knuckles
...Because patience (of the human and animal variety) must be rewarded with multiple views.

Schweppes Waterballoon Commercial
...Because few happenings look sweeter in slow mo'.

Cadbury Eyebrow Commercial
...Because oddities raise my eyebrows.

Tide Talking Stain Commercial
...Because I need to laugh at my own job interview foibles.

300 PG version
...Because you need to BRUSH...YOUR...TEETH!!!

Fat Boy Slim - Weapon of Choice
...Because it's the 2nd best music video of all time (the best is coming...)

Oren Lavie - Her Morning Elegance
...Because stop-motion photography is fun for a girl or a boy.

CareerBuilder.com Punch Small Animals Ad
...Because I need to vent.

NutriGrain I Feel Great Commercial
...Because sometimes I just need to feel great (Go ahead and hit me!).

Daft Punk - Around the World
...Because it's the best music video ever made. For real.

Brandtston - Nobody Dances Anymore
...Because I've always believed that dancing is no time for self-consciousness.

Dad Life
...Because it's so, so, so, so true.

Robyn - Dream On
...Because our first impressions are usually wrong.

Crystal Method - Drown in the Now
...Because the perfect marriage of sound and visuals is possible.

Mechwarrior 4 Vengeance Intro
...Because the idea that a machine is an extension of the human body has always fascinated me. And because I'm a video game nerd.

BYU vs. Utah 2006 - Fix You
...Because I love to relive the most incandescently perfect moments.

Weezer - Pork and Beans
...Because YouTube deserves its own music video.

Weezer - Keep Fishin'
...Because good things happen when Weezer and The Muppets co-exist.

Lazy Sunday
...Because Mr. Pibb and Red Vines equals crazy-delicious.

Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
....Because it looks identical to what I'd imagine the inside of my mind to look like.

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Literal Version
...Because...huh???

Bert and Ernie Gangster Rap
...Because Bert and Ernie gotsta bust a cap.

Kia Maniac Commercial
...Because you can become passionate about almost anything.

Kia Soul - Hamster Commercial
...Because I like it, okay???? Gohl. Sue me.

Muppets - You Are My Sunshine
...Because I wanna do this to anyone who sings the Rickroll song.

Muppets - Swedish Chef
...Because everyone needs a role model (Animal is my alternate).

Janet Jackson - Miss You Much
...Because the moves they bust in this video are still among my favorites.

Kid History - Episode 1
...Because life makes more sense when explained by kids.

Simon the Cat
...Because this animator has cat behavior nailed.

Tron Legacy - Comic Con Teaser Trailer
...Because this made me break my don't-watch-a-trailer-half-a-million-times-before-watching-the-actual-movie rule.

Folgers Happy Morning Commercial
...Because sometimes I really wanna punch mornings in the face.

Stories From My Youth: Skinny Dipping

So I was always a pretty shy kid growing up. I could hardly talk to anyone, especially boys. But I had one experience that just brought out the crazy, uninhibited side of me. Skinny dipping. Yes that's right folks, I am a good Mormon girl and I have been skinny dipping.

On this particular occasion I was on a youth trip with my single adult ward at Lake Powell. Someone asked the Bishop if we could go skinny dipping. And what did he say? "Of course you can!" I was a little surprised, but I figured if he said we could it was okay. I was also scared to death, but I wasn't going to be the one left behind. We decided the boys would go to one part of the beach and the girls would take another part of the beach. The Bishop instructed us to keep our distance from the boys and "have a great time!"

On the boys side we could hear the low grumble of laughter and on the girls side a high pitched, nervous sort of giggling going on. I was embarrassed, but stripped down anyway and ran into the water. After a few minutes of feeling self conscious and uncomfortable, I soon found that being naked in a lake with boys nearby was really crazy......and fun!

I don't know or remember what the other girls were doing, but I think I got a little too comfortable and crazy a little too fast. Yes, that shy, reserved girl started doing dolphin flips (why am I revealing this?) and jumping out of the water. And wouldn't ya know it but some perv from the guys side of the beach decided to swim over to the girls side...."just to chat for a minute." I heard my older sister say, "whoa, Shannon, maybe you should stop doing that." There was a full moon (ha ha!) after all and the perv wasn't going away. I really am an idiot.

So okay. I have been skinny dipping lots of times since then, but I learned my lesson and kept myself under water. Wanna go with me? :)

Next Post: Buddah Belly

Family Is Everything

Ups and Downs

Last week was really hard.


Olivia keep's crying because "there is nothing to do."

I quit my job at NuSkin after 15 1/2 years.

A childhood friend died last Wednesday morning from sudden cardiac arrest. He was 35 with a wife, 3 children and one on the way. He kissed his wife goodnight and when she woke up in the morning he was gone.


~I told Olivia if she didn't find something to do I would give her something to do.

~I am so happy I quit my job. The office management has gotten increasingly worse over the last few years and I was struggling with my Japanese calls. They refused to take me off the Japanese line, so I quit. I didn't even give my two weeks notice. Hah! Shove it NuSkin!

~My friend Justin was just about as perfect as a person could be on earth. It is tragic that he died and left behind a beautiful family. I know there is a purpose for it, but oh, it breaks my heart. The day he died, his mother, who also helped raise me, found out she has bone cancer and she and her husband would have to come home from their mission in Rome. Triple tragic day.


It is so weird to feel so sad and so happy all at the same time. Dealing with crazy kids, quitting my job and losing a friend really makes me feel like I am riding an emotional roller coaster. Up and Down, up and down. I think I'm going to be sick.

Decapitated

Olivia's favorite stuffed animal, Tashi, recently had an accident.



Tashi was once a sweet, pink, cute little stuffed kitty. She has brought hours of
fun and joy to our girl. But, this week she lost her head.

I have to say that Neal and I laughed ourselves silly. That gray little piece of crap has wreaked havoc so many times in the last several years. Liv cannot sleep without Tashi, and she is just small enough that if not properly looked after, will go missing for days.

I had hoped that after I laughed hysterically for a while Olivia would laugh too and decide to just throw Tashi away. But, of course she cried forever, so I did my duty and sewed the little buggers head back on. It looks like Tashi is still a member of the family.

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Infertility Sucks

I just had to say it. I have been sick as a dog for the last 3 weeks and I thought maybe, just maybe this was it. But my body decided to play a big trick on me. I have had all of my typical symptoms of pregnancy. Headaches, nausea, gagging and dry heaving when I brush my teeth, extreme hunger, extreme cravings, cramping and my abdomen swelling like a watermelon and worst of all, smells that make me sick. Turns out though what I thought for sure was a pregnancy, is just the red coats on the march!

I have prayed, fasted, talked through and exhausted myself with knowing what to do. Neal and I have been tested and there is no reason why we shouldn't be able to have more children. I have 30 pounds to lose, but I don't think that is a huge contributing factor. Maybe it is.

I have had a lot of peaceful moments about this in the last 3 1/2 years, but I have also had my share of anger, frustration, desperation, heartache and guilt. I have tried to have hope and remain faithful, but I admit that a lot of times I push those hurt feelings deep down and in turn feel resentment and sadness. Doesn't Heavenly Father trust me with another child? I know that is a crazy thing to wonder, but I do wonder. I know there must be a reason why it hasn't happened yet, but for now it is killing me. This is one of the biggest, if not the biggest trial I have ever experienced in my life. It really, really sucks!

Word Of The Day

On Sunday I put in the church video "On The Way Home" to help the kids settle down a little bit. I have seen that video hundreds of times, but had totally forgotten that they use the word "sex" in the video. Well, Neal just happened to walk in the door when that word was said and we both kind of grimaced and hoped the kids wouldn't ask. But then one of us (I don't remember who) asked Joseph what sex means because, aren't all parents curious to know what their 7 year old child would know about sex?

Joseph said "I totally know what sex is. It's when you're super fancy and rich."

Neal and I looked at each other and exploded with laughter, which Joseph took as a sign that he must be really smart. When I told one of my sisters what he said she asked why we didn't tell him the real meaning of sex. I didn't want to have that discussion on a Sunday morning and then have my kid keep asking me question after question...or heaven forbid someone else. I also thought back to when I was 20 and became a nanny for 7 year old twin boys. Those two little stinkers knew far to much about sex for their own good. So, we will have the sex talk at some point, but for now I will take the fancy and rich version of the word!

Just to take it a little further, at dinner the same night we asked the kids to define several words for us. This is what they came up with:

Omnipotent: scaredy cat

Accomplice: something you hang on the wall

Flatulence: getting tied up

Homogeneous: flying

Iridescent: pretty

Demure: stupid

Gonorrhea: means you have a barbie house

Putrid: going potty

Evanescence: chewed up

Complication: going on a camp out, building a fire and eating marsh mellows

Bemused: faker

Christmas at Home

We stayed home for Christmas this year and although I felt extremely homesick, I'm still glad we did. Besides the extreme business of the month, we got to partake in some wonderful activities. I unfortunately only took a few pictures during the month. Here are few to enjoy!


A family favorite: matching Christmas pajamas.


Beautiful Temple Square.


Christmas morning aftermath. Does every one's house look like a tornado hit or is it just mine?


Waiting patiently on the stairs for our tradition of "The Nutcracker" music to start. That's the go signal for running down the stairs.


The young version of Santa Claus. The kids were a little confused, but still seemed happy to meet him.