Speak Kind Words, Hear Kind.....Choes?

A couple of years ago, my sister Keri and I were out shopping. We stopped at Tai Pan Trading and were just browsing the store when we came across a sign that said "Speak Kind Words, Hear Kind Choes." We could not figure out what in the world it meant. What is a choe?
Finally, a woman who had been watching us pointed out another sign with the same saying, except the last word said "Echoes." Oh. Duh. We laughed our heads off! The sign we picked up was missing that important letter for that important final word.

I have been thinking about that saying/experience a lot because I have been feeling sad about some friend issues for a few days. Sometimes we can speak kind words and do all we can to be a good friend to others, but it doesn't always mean it's going to come back to us in the same way. I was talking to my sisters about this when I realized that while I am always going to strive to be a good friend to others, my best friends are already built in. My sisters are my best friends. Even my sister Erin who passed away 3 years ago is still my best friend. I feel that she is still an active part of my life.
Sometimes I think we all struggle with feeling important or feeling fulfilled by those around us. I realized yesterday and this morning as I talked to my sisters several times that I have what I need. I have 3 wonderful sisters who love and support me, even when I'm retarded or annoying to them. They will never leave me or give up on me.
I am grateful for friends that come and go and all they've taught me. Despite the hardship that comes with friends at times, I still hope I will always be the kind of girl that "Speaks Kind Words and Hears Kind Choes."

9/11: 10 Years Later

Neal wrote this post to his family a few days ago and it was so poignant to me I had to share:


"I revisited the feelings I had ten years ago about 9/11. Mercifully, we had Stake Conference yesterday, so I had the chance to think about something NOT involving Church responsibilities. I watched a lot of 9/11 TV specials and attended a neighborhood observance. The observance was quite poignant. We were outside on the Evergreen Court basketball court as an unseasonal chill descended and light rain fell. Tim Goodman, an LDS recording artist, sang some terrific patriotic tunes while several Old Glories flapped in the wind, posted on the lawn adjacent. I was suddenly struck, as we all huddled together under blankets determined to observe Patriot Day regardless of the weather, how similar our little gathering was to our nation as a whole ten years ago. We all faced an unexpected storm, but our determination to draw close won the day.

I was also painfully reminded throughout the day how little my feelings have healed since then. There's still this raw, sensitive hole close to my heart, and I'm still deeply moved by the mere ghost of my memories.

Ten years ago, I was a newlywed of only a few months. My life between marriage and 9/11 was a blur of quixotic happiness. Shannon and I had time to burn with each other, plenty of money, I had a great new job that I loved, and we both had unfettered optimism about our lives. Then, that morning, I awoke before Shannon, got ready for work, and flipped on the news as I ate breakfast. Like many of you, I was shocked but not overly-alarmed by what I saw. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. "I'm sure it was an accident," I said to myself. "Certainly some people have died, but the building is still standing. It could have been a lot worse." Still, I was concerned enough that I called Shannon's attention to the TV screen. It was about five minutes later that the second plane struck the other tower. At that moment, our lives turned upside down. The world where bad men only occasionally got away with REALLY heinous acts was gone. We were under attack. And that wasn't the only manifestation of my upside-down world.

I arrived at work about 40 minutes late that day, only to be excused from work about two hours later. "Go home," my boss said. "Go be with your families. My heart isn't here today, and I'm sure yours isn't either."

Ten days later, as a direct result of 9/11 and the subsequent economic downturn, my boss excused me from work permanently.

It took me years to get my career back on track. I had to turn my back on the career of my dreams (computer animation) to something I enjoyed but not nearly as much. It was three years and five jobs later when I finally managed to make the kind of money I made before 9/11. During that time, I struggled and scavenged, I wrestled with anger and fear in equally unprecedented degrees, and I felt lonely and lost. I have since regained my hope for the future, thanks to a loving God who cares deeply about me and is involved in the details of my life. But for years, I just couldn't make ends meet, couldn't see a future that included any measure of personal success, and couldn't find my old sense of swagger.

All of that was a direct result of Osama Bin Laden and the soulless bastards who follow him.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, here, but we can't forget. To be more specific, we can't forget to act. We cannot, as a nation, cease our resolve to chase terrorists to the ends of the earth, regardless of the sacrifice. We cannot for a second lose our love of country, even though our current President's policies have horribly weakened it. We cannot slide in our personal and emergency preparedness. Most of all, we can't stop seeking to be the very best citizens we can be.

God bless America. God help our beloved Union to never forget."

Vent

I know I shouldn't vent publicly, but I figured no one reads this blog anyway, so why not?

I joined the PTA last May and I regret to say that I did not research the position before accepting it. One mother told me they needed a PTA President-Elect. That sounded harmless enough to me and they were desperate, so I told them I would do it. Neal has not stopped making fun of me since. Why did I not look into what I was getting myself into? I really am going to do my best and feel grateful to be with my kids so much at school, but if I could I would stay in my home/cave and never have people look at me or look to me to be in charge. Instead I am going to be front and center (especially next year) and I don't want to do it!

I was supposed to start my "Sex Goddess Diet" on September 1st. I am turning 40 next May and I really want to look my best before I plummet into middle age. But the problem is, I have no desire. I want it to happen instantly and I don't want to make the effort! So, instead of working really hard and changing my habits, I have done nothing to change and am eating worse then ever. Blah.

I have read a certain blog for several years that I really looked to for help and parenting advice. She helped me be a better parent and taught me to love being a mother. But recently her blog has become to much for me. I guess if it bothers me so much I should stop reading it.
The truth is, I am probably jealous. I know that she has gone through tremendous struggles in the last several years, but I wish she would realize that the general audience that she is speaking to, does not live the ideal lifestyle that she does.  I don't mean to offend anyone that knows her, and I especially don't want to offend her. She has helped me in ways that she will never know. I even met her once at Costco. Well....I went up to her and hugged her. I felt that she needed to know how much she had helped me.
I know that most bloggers write about the good things in their lives. We don't see all of the struggles, the pain and the stress that goes on behind the scenes. So why am I struggling with her? I realize her life isn't as perfect as it seems. Can anyone else explain this to me and do they feel the same way? Does my frustration even make sense?

Anyway, I could keep venting but I should just stop now. I don't want anyone to feel bad about what I am saying, they are just things I am thinking about and want to figure out in my own life.