I went to see my sister's grave today, and I couldn't
help but wonder " what in the world am I doing here?"
Why am I visiting a grave? My sister should be alive
and happy and healthy, not buried in the ground
where I can't see her. I do know I will see her again.
But I just want to see her....here.
I remember thinking as a little girl that I didn't want
anything to change. I felt happy and secure at home.
My family loved each other and had a wonderful time
together. I felt loved. I felt like there was no where
else I ever wanted to be. But time snuck in and I grew
up. As a few of us were getting ready to leave
for college I remember thinking we would all end
up together again. We could all live together in a culdasac
somewhere. It just didn't turn out quite the way I planned.
help but wonder " what in the world am I doing here?"
Why am I visiting a grave? My sister should be alive
and happy and healthy, not buried in the ground
where I can't see her. I do know I will see her again.
But I just want to see her....here.
I remember thinking as a little girl that I didn't want
anything to change. I felt happy and secure at home.
My family loved each other and had a wonderful time
together. I felt loved. I felt like there was no where
else I ever wanted to be. But time snuck in and I grew
up. As a few of us were getting ready to leave
for college I remember thinking we would all end
up together again. We could all live together in a culdasac
somewhere. It just didn't turn out quite the way I planned.
I still feel close to my family. We talk to each other often.
But we have seperate lives. And that is okay, but sometimes
I still long for it to be just us. We are living our lives the way
we are supposed to. We are still an eternal family. Erin has
died, but I don't feel like she is missing and I don't feel like we
have lost her. She is still very much a part of our family. I know
she will be helping me in ways she never could have on the earth.
When I am impatient with my kids, I feel her right there telling
me to have a little more patience. When I am crying for her, I feel
her telling me it's okay, she feels happy and I should feel happy too.
I feel her encouraging me to pray more sincerely and deeply.
So while things aren't the way they used to be, or what I expected, I
can't say that I would change things. We all have experiences that
put us one step closer to Heavenly Father. I know that I need to
embrace this new change in our family and move forward with more
faith and determination.
can't say that I would change things. We all have experiences that
put us one step closer to Heavenly Father. I know that I need to
embrace this new change in our family and move forward with more
faith and determination.
4 comments:
You have a great perspective on things- even though they are hard right now. I think about life with and without my dad all the time, and even though I miss my dad, and wish I didn't have to lose him at such a young age, I don't think I'd change things. I've been so blessed with certain things as a result of his passing. The Lord is in charge and we just have to let Him lead us.
Dear Shannon,
I cannot imagine what your emotions and feelings must be like but I do know that you are an incredibly strong, faithful, wise, kind, beautiful woman and I am so thankful for your example and friendship. You are so loved - by people, angels and a very watchful Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. Love you, Shannon! Big hugs!!!!
Aren't blogs a wonderful place to share and vent? I am sorry for you. I hope you know I am thinking of you often. My words are flimsy, sorry. Hugs for you, and happy birthday to your sweet boy.
Shannon- You are so much stronger than you may feel like you are at times. Aren't we so lucky to have the gospel in our lives to give us the strength and knowledge that our loved ones are happy on the other side?! You are amazing and I know that Erin was lucky to have your support and love. You are such a good example to me too, love you!!
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