My little boy is 5!!!!

The last 5 years have gone by so quickly I can hardly stand it! Joseph is starting kindergarten this year and while I am excited for him, I wish he could stay home with me forever. I am anxious to see what the next 5 years will bring. Joseph is so amazing. He says so many funny things and is constantly surprising me with his now 5 year old knowledge. I am so proud of my little boy and love him with all my heart. Happy Birthday Joseph!

Things aren't the way they used to be

I went to see my sister's grave today, and I couldn't
help but wonder " what in the world am I doing here?"
Why am I visiting a grave? My sister should be alive
and happy and healthy, not buried in the ground
where I can't see her. I do know I will see her again.
But I just want to see her....here.

I remember thinking as a little girl that I didn't want
anything to change. I felt happy and secure at home.
My family loved each other and had a wonderful time
together. I felt loved. I felt like there was no where
else I ever wanted to be. But time snuck in and I grew
up. As a few of us were getting ready to leave
for college I remember thinking we would all end
up together again. We could all live together in a culdasac
somewhere. It just didn't turn out quite the way I planned.

I still feel close to my family. We talk to each other often.
But we have seperate lives. And that is okay, but sometimes
I still long for it to be just us. We are living our lives the way
we are supposed to. We are still an eternal family. Erin has
died, but I don't feel like she is missing and I don't feel like we
have lost her. She is still very much a part of our family. I know
she will be helping me in ways she never could have on the earth.
When I am impatient with my kids, I feel her right there telling
me to have a little more patience. When I am crying for her, I feel
her telling me it's okay, she feels happy and I should feel happy too.
I feel her encouraging me to pray more sincerely and deeply.

So while things aren't the way they used to be, or what I expected, I
can't say that I would change things. We all have experiences that
put us one step closer to Heavenly Father. I know that I need to
embrace this new change in our family and move forward with more
faith and determination.

Deb & Lafonda

We adopted 2 adorable little kitty's a week ago and as you can see the kids are loving them...a little too much. Notice how Olivia has her hand around Lafonda's neck? That is a daily occurrence and I don't know how either of them are going to survive. Olivia has kicked them, thrown them and choked them all within a few minutes of each other. The little black kitten, Deb, has really been picked on because Lafonda is 1 month older and very territorial. We were hoping they would be good friends, but so far it has literally been a cat fight all day. So, while I love the kittens, there is a lot of work involved and I am not enjoying that. While it has helped distract me from my current emotions, I feel like a grouch because I'm yelling at the kids all day to leave the poor kittens alone!

For those of you that love Napoleon Dynamite, you might appreciate the names we choose for the little kittens. I had no idea what to name them so Neal came up with the idea. You should have seen the girls at the vet laugh! So over all, while they have put me to work, they have filled the void for me and given quite a few people a good laugh!

What is most important

A friend of mine gave this plaque to me for my birthday (thanks Stephanie!) and I can't express enough how happy I am to have it. I put it in my kitchen right by the sink, so I look at it often. So many people have commented on it. Since my sister died, it has been a great reminder to me of what is most important in life......to love. Just love each other more. It is sad to me that I've had to experience a loss to realize I need to let go of the frustrations and irritations of life and just love everyone. I want to make my sister proud and more importantly, I want to be with her again so I am going to love my heart out!

Sweet Erin

I want to dedicate this post to my sister Erin. I can hardly write through the tears, but I had to express my love for her. Erin passed away today. She has really struggled for the last few years and I think Heavenly Father knew it was time to bring her home. I feel great comfort knowing that she isn't suffering anymore, but I want my sister back. I would give anything to hold her and tell her one more time how much I cherish and love her. I am so grateful to know that families can be together forever. I know I will be with Erin again. I know that I am a better person because of her Christlike example. I love you sweet sister. "Nite, love you, see you in the morning."

My attempt at photography

We went to a wedding recently on Temple Square in Salt Lake City and the flowers on the grounds were so beautiful I decided to take some pictures. I think they turned out
nicely! I have so many friends that are amazing photographers, not to mention my grandfather who takes some of the best photos in the world. These pictures are dedicated to Popi!

The best birthday present ever

Just when I thought Neal could never surprise me, he did. He got a picture of the Nauvoo Temple for my birthday. I have been obsessed with this picture for the last year and have wanted it more than just about anything. The picture is quite expensive because not only is it beautifully framed, it has been aged. So although it is the modern temple, it looks like a picture of the temple from the 1840's. I have been crazy about Nauvoo since I was about 13 and am so thrilled to have this beautiful reminder in my home of the place I love. Neal worked very hard to get it for me so thank you hunny, for the best birthday present in the world!