Infertility Sucks

I just had to say it. I have been sick as a dog for the last 3 weeks and I thought maybe, just maybe this was it. But my body decided to play a big trick on me. I have had all of my typical symptoms of pregnancy. Headaches, nausea, gagging and dry heaving when I brush my teeth, extreme hunger, extreme cravings, cramping and my abdomen swelling like a watermelon and worst of all, smells that make me sick. Turns out though what I thought for sure was a pregnancy, is just the red coats on the march!

I have prayed, fasted, talked through and exhausted myself with knowing what to do. Neal and I have been tested and there is no reason why we shouldn't be able to have more children. I have 30 pounds to lose, but I don't think that is a huge contributing factor. Maybe it is.

I have had a lot of peaceful moments about this in the last 3 1/2 years, but I have also had my share of anger, frustration, desperation, heartache and guilt. I have tried to have hope and remain faithful, but I admit that a lot of times I push those hurt feelings deep down and in turn feel resentment and sadness. Doesn't Heavenly Father trust me with another child? I know that is a crazy thing to wonder, but I do wonder. I know there must be a reason why it hasn't happened yet, but for now it is killing me. This is one of the biggest, if not the biggest trial I have ever experienced in my life. It really, really sucks!

Word Of The Day

On Sunday I put in the church video "On The Way Home" to help the kids settle down a little bit. I have seen that video hundreds of times, but had totally forgotten that they use the word "sex" in the video. Well, Neal just happened to walk in the door when that word was said and we both kind of grimaced and hoped the kids wouldn't ask. But then one of us (I don't remember who) asked Joseph what sex means because, aren't all parents curious to know what their 7 year old child would know about sex?

Joseph said "I totally know what sex is. It's when you're super fancy and rich."

Neal and I looked at each other and exploded with laughter, which Joseph took as a sign that he must be really smart. When I told one of my sisters what he said she asked why we didn't tell him the real meaning of sex. I didn't want to have that discussion on a Sunday morning and then have my kid keep asking me question after question...or heaven forbid someone else. I also thought back to when I was 20 and became a nanny for 7 year old twin boys. Those two little stinkers knew far to much about sex for their own good. So, we will have the sex talk at some point, but for now I will take the fancy and rich version of the word!

Just to take it a little further, at dinner the same night we asked the kids to define several words for us. This is what they came up with:

Omnipotent: scaredy cat

Accomplice: something you hang on the wall

Flatulence: getting tied up

Homogeneous: flying

Iridescent: pretty

Demure: stupid

Gonorrhea: means you have a barbie house

Putrid: going potty

Evanescence: chewed up

Complication: going on a camp out, building a fire and eating marsh mellows

Bemused: faker

Christmas at Home

We stayed home for Christmas this year and although I felt extremely homesick, I'm still glad we did. Besides the extreme business of the month, we got to partake in some wonderful activities. I unfortunately only took a few pictures during the month. Here are few to enjoy!


A family favorite: matching Christmas pajamas.


Beautiful Temple Square.


Christmas morning aftermath. Does every one's house look like a tornado hit or is it just mine?


Waiting patiently on the stairs for our tradition of "The Nutcracker" music to start. That's the go signal for running down the stairs.


The young version of Santa Claus. The kids were a little confused, but still seemed happy to meet him.

My Kids Say Funny Things

Olivia: "Joseph, you need a woman in your life. I want to marry you."

Me: "Joseph what was your favorite part of school today?" Joseph: "Leaving."

Joseph: "If you don't fight for your dreams, it will haunt your for the rest of your life!"

We went to McDonald's after visiting my grandpa recently because we were all so hungry. I just wanted to get some chicken nuggets for the kids to share, but Olivia thought I was getting a happy meal. She said, "I wonder what toys we'll get in our happy meal. I told her we aren't getting happy meals. Liv: Oh, are we getting sad meals?"

Olivia: "Mom, can you help Joseph decide his attitude?"

Joseph: "I'd like to go to South America on my mission. Me: "Why South America?" Joseph: "Because I like African-American people."

Olivia: "Mom, I hammered this pear!"

I asked the kids what they wanted for dinner. Joseph said "Chicken Parmesan!"
Olivia said "Well, I'd rather have a swift kick in the butt!"

Olivia is deathly afraid of crabs. She thinks they live in our garage. She always asks me to pick her up out of the car and carry her to the door so the "crabbity crabs" don't get her shoes.

Joseph: "Mom, I need to know all of your most embarrassing moments so I don't do the same thing."

Joseph: "Mom, wake up. I think you've had a significant amount of sleep."

Joseph: "Well, if someone wants to play me on the Wii, it's there decision to get beat."

Oogie Boogie Costume

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, here's this year's Halloween costume. I present... Oogie Boogie.

And by the way, if you aren't shaking, there's something very wrong. Cuz this may be the LAST time you hear the Boogie song. Woah-oh! Whoa-oh!

First of all, here's some of the process:



Here's part of the Oogie Boogie mask. I made a mold of my face with layers of plaster strips that I bought at Hobby Lobby. Then I created the eye, brow line, and lip features with tons of tin foil and hot glue.



After creating the mask, it's as simple as hot gluing the same burlap material as the rest of the costume to the mask. I then spray painted the whole thing with two cans of green fluorescent paint and hand painted the seams with a mixture of black and green paint.



And here it is! It cost about $40, 30 hours of my life over about 2 1/2 weeks, and a lotta sleep deprivation.



Please note the bug detail: I showed great faith by cutting a hole in my costume after I was all done, backing the hole with black felt, and filling it with hot-glued plastic spiders. Thankfully, I think it turned out 'aight.



Oogie profile view. You can't see it, but I also included a spider suspended from a string. It's attached to the top of the mask/hood.



Prosper's marketing department took three of the five possible costume awards including scariest (Dan VanOrman) best female (Michelle Zundel--the designer that I supervise) and best overall (me). For this, I was given a flippin' sweet certificate and... fifteen bucks. Ah well... It's all about showing up the sales team and having a killer time. Sales guys--you got served (and yes, I am throwing down for the express purpose of getting more costume-wearing out-o-y'all next year).



Here's me at the Ward Trunk or Treat. I developed a dance that I now call the Oogie Boogie Bounce. Or Shuffle. Haven't decided yet. Anyway, here's me doing da dance (and sweating like a pig).



More dancin'...This was my favorite part of the Trunk or Treat (obviously).



I had to take off my mask to read stories to the Trunk or Treat kids. Actually, that was a common theme for the day: Taking off my mask to avoid making little kids soil themselves.



Here's me and da fam. I still think Joseph's ninja costume was the scariest though, especially when he busted his sweet ninja moves on me.




Finally, I've had many requests to see the Boogie Bounce. Fortunately, someone got a video of it during our company Costume Contest. Enjoy (or possibly not).

Whipped Cream Fight!!!

Who doesn't love a spontaneous whipped cream fight?

October 1st Family Halloween Party

Every year on October 1st, our family has our own Halloween Party. We decorate the house, make a really yummy meal and eat it by candle light. After dinner we watch a Halloween movie (appropriate for the children) and when the movie is over we eat donuts and tell scary stories in the dark. My kids are getting really good at telling stories....they actually scared me a few times!